Seeking Answers and Meaning

Newtown.  I've been pretty quiet on the subject.  I made a brief comment on the first Facebook post I saw about it, "liked" a couple of messages of condolence, shared a blog that I connected with when I read it.  I have had a few brief conversations on the topic with family and friends.  For the most part I have avoided the topic; however, it has been in my thoughts almost constantly.

I have kept up with the information and misinformation through social media.  There is such pressure to stay on top of a news story that any tidbit gets sent out to the world before the truth can be confirmed.  As a society we feel the need to know the answers.  How does a tragedy like this happen?  Why?  How do we stop it from happening?

I have the same questions.  How does someone look at the terror in the face of a small child, and still pull the trigger?  The very thought sickens me and brings tears to my eyes every time.  What makes a person walk into a school (or a mall, or a movie theatre) and shoot anything that moves, and then turn the gun on himself?  What is the thought process?  I have been through dark times, but this?  No, this I don't understand

There have been so many outcries from almost every stance.  It almost feels like I'm staring at a bad multiple choice test.  Is it
a) We need greater gun control.
b) Only good people with guns can stop bad people with guns.
c) Society places too much focus on violence.
d) We don't allow God in our schools.
e) This is not a moral problem, it's a public health issue, a mental health issue.
f) All of the above.
g) None of the above.

I know that the hearts of the people behind each line of thought are in the right place.  They all want the same thing.  They want the violence to stop.  It is perhaps ironic that this drive for peace brings such discord.  Such animosity.  I read their thoughts and proposals.  I agree with them.  And I disagree with them.

A mother writes about living with a son with mental health issues, and the fear she lives with not knowing when her normally gentle child will turn and attack those he loves, those who love him.  I have seen the demons in myself and in my children.  I know how quickly they can rise up.  But they never reach this proportion.  How does one deal with that?  I can't tell you.

Tributes to the victims are shared.  We see little Ana singing "Come Thou Almighty King" as her brother accompanies her on the piano.  We read about Victoria Soto who saved her students by hiding them in closets, but lost her own life.  Yes, let's get to know these people.  Let's honour them.  They were beautiful.

I believe we are right to place our focus here.  I think there is a time and place to delve into the cause of this tragedy, to seek answers to the "why," if there are any to be found.  If we can do anything to avert this kind of tragedy from happening again, we must do it.  But for now, take time to mourn.  And take time to hold on.

Hold on to those you love.  Hug them.  Not quickly, but in a true embrace.  Say "I love you," not just with your words, but with your actions.  Care for those around you, even those you do not know.  Even those you disagree with.  Make the world a better place today.

I'll conclude with the words of my friend Aaron Bull, who said it better than I can:

"The Newtown massacre reminds me of something. That is, as my parents taught me, a primary goal should always be to return or leave things better than I received them. As such, while thinking about the Newtown massacre (a lot and quite often times with tears in my eyes) I'm reminded once again of that primary goal. Life is not about politics, it's not about gun control, it's not about religion, it's not about what place I have in life or a myriad of other things. It's about, again, leaving things better than I received them. On that note, I feel I (probably we) have lost focus on that primary goal; how can I leave this place, this planet, better than I received it? How can I make sure that my daughter, my (hopefully) grandkids, their kids, etc have a better world than when I was here?! I don't know the answer to that question. I'm still thinking and doing what I can, but I know I still have a lot to learn and do! I'm willing to take that next step. Are you?"

Consequence-Free Violence?

Last week I watched Slumdog Millionaire for the first time.  I had known of its rating before watching it, but I was still somehow a little surprised when I saw the "R" after the movie was over.  I thought back over the storyline and concluded that it must have been given that rating because of the violence and perhaps the little bit of sexual content as well.  Then I wondered, "Why did the rating surprise me?"  I quickly realized that I was comparing it to other movies, mostly geared towards tween- and teenagers, that in many ways are equally violent.

What made the violence in Slumdog Millionaire different than the impaling of the Green Goblin in Spiderman, or the many battles in Harry Potter?  I don't know that it was any more graphic; however, it was more real.  You don't watch the images of the Bombay Riots and think, "Oh, that could never happen."  Maman disfiguring children so they are worth more to him as beggars (blind singers get more money) turns your stomach and makes you question how humanity can be so cruel.

On the other hand, many PG and PG-13 type movies are rated such for "comic book style violence."  We're not talking about Spidey throwing a punch with a "POW!" in a balloon over the image, though.  It has become full-on violence.  And it is almost celebrated.  Violence solves problems because the good guy always wins.

There's a line in The Incredibles that comes to mind here.  Helen has gone to the island to save her husband, and the kids have stowed away in the jet.  After the plane is shot down and they have made it to shore, she hides Dash and Violet in a cave, telling them to stay out of sight and not be afraid to use their powers.  "You know the bad guys in the movies?  Well, these guys are not like those bad guys.  They do not care that you are children.  They will kill you."  Of course, the kids don't get hurt, and once again, the good guys win.  When Syndrome is sucked into the jet engine because of his cape, it doesn't bring up much emotion.  In fact, none of the violence really does.  But the line is true of the real life bad guys - they really don't care about the children.  They will use them, maim them or kill them - whatever suits their purpose.

Compare to Slumdog Millionaire when Salim kills Maman at point blank.  Rather than an emotionless scene, I remember thinking, "What choice did he really have?"  There was no other way to be free of Maman, though he swore he would leave them be if he spared him.  Was there any way they could trust him?  Not likely.  The police were almost as corrupt as Maman, so going that route wasn't an option.  It still didn't leave a satisfied feeling - more of an empty, hopeless one.

They say exposure to violence can make kids more violent.  I'm sure there is truth to that; however, perhaps it is the almost consequence-free violence that is more at fault.  The stuff that doesn't really happen except for in the movies.  I'll be honest - I let my kids watch those movies.  I am selective, though, as to which ones.  There are many that my 10 and 12 year old kids watch that are still forbidden to my 8-yr. old.  They get frustrated because their friends have seen movies that they haven't.  Of course, I'm more ok with that than they are, hoping that when they are parents that they will understand.

Having said that, I made my son watch Hotel Rwanda after getting sick and tired of hearing him say that he hated his sisters.  I decided he should see what real hate was.  He wasn't quite 10 years old.  The movie impacted him though.  He saw that hate and violence were real, and the consequences devastating.  I'm not saying we should all make our children watch such movies, but maybe letting them see little glimpses of what true evil can do rather than filling their heads with "fun" violence would do a little good.