Darryl's not home. He left early this morning and won't return until Wednesday evening. Work trip. Lots of wives out there know what those are like - the men travel, they stay at home and do the house things. (Not saying it doesn't go the other way, too. This is just more common.) One of my biggest pet peeves is when I hear these women (or men) comment that they are "single parenting this week." No, no you're not.
Yes, life here is harder when Darryl is gone. Suddenly I'm responsible for supper clean-up, baby baths, and all the other things he does when he's home. I am very blessed to have an incredibly helpful husband, and I miss that when he's gone. I also don't have his arms wrapped around me, don't get to kiss him goodnight, can't just talk the way we do when he's home. I miss all these things, and more.
But it doesn't come close to single parenting.
I don't have to suddenly come up with the money to pay the bills and put food on the table. Heck, I still HAVE a mortgage. I'm not paying someone else's because I don't qualify for one. I can still text him during the day, talk to him on the phone, Skype him before bed. I know that even though he's not here, he's still supporting me. And I know that this time of being alone with the house and the kids will come to an end in a few days.
I won't always be the one putting all the kids to bed.
I won't always have to do all the housework, or at least whatever I can get done.
I won't always have to be the only one in charge of discipline.
I won't always go to bed alone.
It's just a few days.
So, ladies (and men), next time your spouse is out of town and you're tempted to tell everyone how you have to "single parent," please don't insult the true single parents out there by trying to equate the next few days (or even weeks) to what they do every day. Because it may be tougher, but it doesn't even come close.
Every single parent living this type of life. They all are mostly these type of problems. I think house work is a big problem for the single dads. Because its really a new task for him..
ReplyDeletedifferent grants for single parents
When I was a single parent, I think the hardest thing was not having someone to back me up. And of course the money thing is tough. This article sums up how I felt quite well, actually: http://paper.li/SingleParentTvl/1291822267
DeleteBelieve me, when my husband leaves for a work trip, I do not consider what I do to be single parenting. I still have him to help with the tough discipline choices and financial support.
ReplyDeleteYup! Makes a world of difference! Of course, it's tougher when they're not in the same house as you, but they're still providing those much needed things.
DeleteNo it's not the same at all! my husband works out of town and has from the time our youngest was one. He is gone anywhere from 10 days gone 4 home up to three months gone home for 4 days. Depending on where he is I may or may not be able to call him because their is no cell service. My children are now 16 and 13 and yes I did raise them myself and discipline them myself. No I never had to worry about money but I don't understand why single mother would,their is something called child support and if at any time my ex wouldn't pay I'd dam sure do everything to make him. I have never had every second weekend with out my kids or any kind of shared custody and when my husbands home the children would be heart broken if just the two of us went away,because they have missed him and want to spend time as a family. Before you all point out its your choice to do this please know that yes I know but all things are a choices.Like having children with a man who turns out to be a losser and doesn't co-parents or pay support. I didn't know things would turn out this way either. I could leave and then have hope one day I wouldn't be lonely and alone but as you have stated it so much harder. The Mothers that complain that their Husbands are gone for just a couple of days bug the crap out of me two but my Mother always said the grass is always green on the other side and if you haven't walked in someone shoes don't judge.
ReplyDeleteWhat an ignorant and narrow-minded response. Of course single mothers have to worry about money! How are you going to force your ex to pay child support, should he choose not to? I'm not aware of how the child support systems work elsewhere, but in Australia, waiting for the Child Support Agency to collect it on your behalf can take MONTHS, if they are able to collect it at all. I've heard of men who quit their jobs for the express purpose of getting out of paying child support. And let me tell you, for the majority of single mothers, the amount of child support that we are entitled to is pitiful and doesn't go very far at all.
DeleteAnd you believe that single mothers CHOOSE to have children with the knowledge that the father of their child is going to turn out to be a loser?! You think that we intentionally chose a man that doesn't intend to co-parent or support their children?!
Before you comment on a topic that you obviously know nothing about, stop and consult a dictionary. Your spelling and grammar are atrocious.
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ReplyDeleteWell put! It is very frustrating when people (my peers, especially) make comments about staying home alone with their child(ren) because the spouse is visiting friends, hunting, away for a job, etc.
ReplyDeleteThe last four+ years of my life have not been a walk in the park, nor are they something that I would wish for or CHOOSE, as another commenter rather ignorantly posted. Having to miss school, work, and appointments due to having a sick child and nobody else to care for him is a b****. Not having somebody else to take care of him when I am sick and unable to function is an equal misery. To be the sole provider for another human being, with nobody else to rely on for help, is not some big wish that came true. Granted, I love my son with all of my heart and can't say that I regret having him. I just wish other people would realize that one or two nights (or even a few weeks) without a parenting partner is NOT single parenting, and to call it so is ignorant and hurtful to those of us who are 24/7/365 single parents. Those "I'm single parenting this week" comments seem to make light of the struggle so many go through day in and day out.
I am a Single Mom of 3 with an ex-husband who is only required to pay $30 per month in child support and no that is not per child. It was two weeks after our 3rd daughter was born that the police came knocking on my door. I can't say I didn't make a poor decision when selecting my spouse, it is a decision I hope one day my daughters wills forgive me for. Does it means I saw this coming, no. Does it mean that I purposely went in my marriage thinking there was a remote chances that my world would come crashing in on me, definitely not. Being a single parent is hard, I can't imagine any Mother would ever purposely bring a child into this world to let them down in any way. "If you haven't walked in someone else's shoes don't judge."
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