History...Not Cleared

I sat down at my computer today and started typing in various sites in the address bar.  These were websites I had visited recently, and was surprised when they weren't automatically coming up.  "How odd," I thought. At first I wondered if Caleb had accidentally cleared the history when he was on, and then I remembered that Darryl had been on last night.  (For any of you who do not know, Darryl is, for lack of a better term, my boyfriend, and probably the biggest reason I haven't written anything here lately.  To be honest, my mind has been pretty preoccupied by thoughts of him.  Yes, "young" love...sigh...)  Did he clear it?  Why would he do that?  My mind was suddenly flooded with various reasons why he might clear the browsing history in my computer, some less savoury than others.  I had no real reason to think he was doing anything inappropriate, so why would these thoughts come to mind?

Now, I know that in today's society, we have been raised to be very cautious.  In my opinion, oftentimes overcautious.  However, I blame my thoughts more on history.  Just like, when I type "pc" into my browser, it automatically fills in the PC Financial address, or plug in "mb" and Manitoba Cycling comes up, there are things that trigger my own relationship "browsing history."  I came out of a relationship that lacked trust.  More often than not, it was for good reason.  And now, when a similar situation came up that had been an issue in this past relationship, the same doubts and emotions came rushing back.

If something I'm typing in my web browser is consistently bringing up a site that I don't want to go to, possibly ever again, there is a simple solution.  Clear history.  Poof.  It's gone.  Oh sure, there are often ways that those techie geeks can get stuff like that back, but not me.  Nothing will bring that website up again unless I go there deliberately.  Problem solved.

But there's no "Clear History" button for real life.  I can't just erase the existence of past relationships, or the lasting emotional results.  Oh, how nice it would be sometimes to get rid of the emotional baggage that accompanies those failed relationships.  To not have to drag it into the new one and have it leave yet another attempt in shambles.  To be able to truly start fresh, not jaded.

But then I would also erase the things that I learned from each one.  I also would erase the good things, and quite frankly, that would suck.  Particularly badly for my current situation.  You see, Darryl and I dated way back in 1996.  He treated me like gold then, just as he does now.  But if I "cleared my history" that would be gone, too.  The knowledge of this amazing man - who he was then and how, essentially, it hasn't changed to this day.  I wouldn't have that history to draw on.

So what did I do about the computer?  What any rational person should do.  I simply texted him and asked if he had done it.  "Yes. Sorry. Habit." was his simple response.  I know I can trust his response.  How?  History.  So you know what?  I'll leave my history uncleared, thank you.